Life is all about change, isn’t it? Each day you change a little. Whether it’s your physical appearance: acne, hair, weight. Or it’s your mental well-being: nervous about a presentation, excited for something, or disappointed because your child woke you up at 4am. Whatever the change may be, it’s there. These little changes can go unnoticed. And by unnoticed, I simply mean unrecognized as change. We often recognize change as only the larger transitions in our life such as changing where you work, where you live, having a baby, etc.

When my husband and I decided to move abroad with our one year old, it was one of the biggest changes we’ve ever had. Being someone that loves change, I welcomed it with open arms excited for the new routines, opportunities, and experiences it would bring. Little did I know there would also be several smaller changes to my outlook on life. Changes I never realized were happening until they fully stuck. Bad habits I had living in the US came to light after being exposed to a new way of life here. Alternatively, I’ve noticed things I overlooked in my previous life which I have now come to wish for. Let’s start with the things I don’t miss.

Ten things I don’t miss about living in the United States

1. Driving everywhere

While I do still drive here and there, I mostly bike or walk everywhere I need to go. The road system and bike paths are phenomenal in the Netherlands, giving you the ability to safely bike to most places. With a bakfiets (pictured below, left), we are able to get anywhere: rain or shine. I can fit Jojo, Tucker, groceries, and more. It feels so much better having fresh air while getting from point A to point B, as well as a bit of exercise. You also don’t get stuck in traffic or have to deal with intense road rage (unless you bike on the wrong side).

2. Air conditioning

I can’t lie, my first summer here I definitely missed AC. If you knew me then, I’m sure you heard my many complaints and heated rants (literally) about sweating nonstop in the house and getting no sleep. With time, I’ve come to see the positives in it.
* Fresh breeze blowing in the house
* Hearing the birds chirping in the morning
* Spending more time outside, instead of hiding out in the AC
* Connecting with neighbors who are also outside, or have the doors and windows open

It’s important to note the Netherlands doesn’t get too hot which makes no AC doable. There are still some nights I toss and turn wishing for a cold bedroom. And we did cave our first summer here by getting the AC unit for bedrooms that sends a mammoth tube out your window. But with all that being said, I’ve noticed some real positive changes living life without air conditioning. Something I intend to hold on to wherever we find ourselves in the future.

3. Strive to succeed only for yourself

Don’t get me wrong, America is special. It’s a place where you can work hard, have dreams, and typically get rewarded for what you put in. Unfortunately, I believe that it’s starting to get twisted and causing a more selfish state of being in some individuals. If you’re focused on only yourself over others all the time, it can lead to selfish thoughts: “I don’t want my money going towards …,” or “why should I care about …” Sometimes those thoughts aren’t all wrong either if everyone is only focused on themselves, then your money to help someone else may not be used for how it was intended and so on. In the Netherlands, I’ve noticed a bigger sense of community. Yes, you are concerned about yourself and your family, but there’s more respect for others too: mothers, fathers, the elderly, children, and people as a whole. People aren’t only driven by money and success. There’s a stronger trust amongst strangers for the greater good.

4. Surrounded by people just like me

Living in Europe, especially here in Haarlem, there’s far more exposure to people from all over the world than what I had living in the US. Hearing new and different languages wherever I go has been an incredible experience. And so is having friends from all these different places. I’ve been lucky enough to learn about life in Chile, South Africa, South Korea, China, Germany, Czech Republic, Spain, France, and more. It makes you realize how much is truly out there and in some ways, humbles you to realize your life is one of billions. I’ve realized that many of my “problems” are so small in comparison to what other people have gone through and came from. This doesn’t diminish challenges that I’ve faced, but it sure does help put things into perspective.

5. Eavesdropping

I’m sure you’re wondering what I could possibly mean by this. I’ll start by saying I don’t go out of my way to eavesdrop. But I think we can all agree that throughout the day you end up hearing several conversations you aren’t a part of whether it’s on the bus, the train, in your office, or at the grocery store. It’s involuntary and I’m sure many of you wish you could block it out at times. Sometimes it’s hard to be at peace with your own thoughts when the people next to you are gossiping about their friends. Now that I’m surrounded by languages that aren’t my native tongue, I don’t have to suffer through other’s conversations wherever I go. There’s a bit of bliss not knowing what the people in front of you are talking about on the train.

7. Big houses

Growing up, I always thought I’d want a really big house. After living here (and cleaning the house myself), I’ve done a complete 180. I love the fact that our house has just what we need in terms of rooms, space, and storage. We only have one toilet, two and a half bedrooms, and no freezer. Yet, it serves its’ purpose while still feeling homey. It also allows more family time as we only have one main room where all the fun happens: reading, playing, talking, and hanging with friends. The only thing I would love to add is a big backyard, but more on that later.

8. Being concerned about safety

It’s no question that it’s much safer to live in the Netherlands. There’s less crime and you don’t see guns everywhere you go. I know Josie is safe to walk a few feet in front of me. I feel secure in large gathering’s of people whether it’s the Saturday market in the city center, at a large parade, or even in a movie theater. There isn’t the “what if” fear or intensely scanning our surroundings for anyone that might look suspicious. It’s heartbreaking to see news stories about another tragedy that happened in the US, sometimes in towns not too far from loved ones. I’m thankful to live in a place where my biggest worry most days is when my daughter is walking too close to the bike lane.

9. Long travel days

In the US, we had to drive or fly several hours just to see a different state. Where we live now, we can travel three hours and be in Germany, France, or Belgium. And that’s just by train or car. Imagine the places we can get in that time by plane. It exposes you to so many different places, languages, culture, history, and more. Additionally, the train system over here is incredible. It has become such a nice and easy way to get around, especially with young children.

10. Social media

Before we moved abroad, I would go on walks in our neighborhood and see young children making TikToks in the park. I may just be out of touch in the area we live in, but it seems much less prevalent. In the past year, I haven’t seen it once. And conversations don’t go straight to social media or negativity in the news like what seemed to be occurring in the US. Conversations are lighter and filled with positive energy about life. Life is more about who you are in the present moment, rather than how many followers you have or how you looked in your most recent post.

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Now, the United States isn’t all bad. I can’t end here without mentioning the things I do miss.

Ten things I miss about living in the United States

1. Family and friends

I miss people every day. Not only do I miss having them close by, but it’s also hard not having them on a similar time zone. It’s really difficult fitting calls in to loved ones at the end of the day … all the time. Not to mention that’s when I’m usually most exhausted and lacking energy. I’ve come to realize that new places are exciting, but there’s always something missing: people we love. We can’t go to Grandma and Grandpa’s house on a whim because we miss them or have cousins over for a BBQ. You often feel like you’ve robbed your child from being close to family. It’s a hard balance knowing if what you are doing is for the best or if it will cause more harm than good in the long run.

2. Hiking

We went from being a mile high to being below sea level. Hiking used to be a huge stress reliever for me. Driving into the mountains, escaping my problems, and being surrounded by nature. In the Netherlands, it’s very flat. While nature is near and I can find nice paths just minutes away, it’s not the same. The air is different in the mountains. Thinner, yes, but so fresh that it feels like it’s cleansing you with each breath. That’s the feeling I miss. Plus, you can enjoy the mountains regardless of what season it is: hiking, skiing, rafting, camping, and more.

3. Big backyards and summer BBQ’s

Running around outside with my siblings while my mom watched from the kitchen window will always be engrained in my memory. Playing kickball in the field behind our house, ghost in the graveyard at night with other neighborhood kids, bonfires, and summer days playing volleyball with the smell of chicken wings and shrimp skewers wafting our way from the grill. These are all special moments that shaped my childhood. Big backyards meant so much fun close to home, a win win for us and my parents. They aren’t as common here which is something I miss a lot. I want our daughter to have those same experiences we did. It was more than a yard. It was a place for friends and family to come together, get fresh air, share some laughs, and just enjoy each other’s company.

4. Conversing with others (without much effort)

Learning a new language is hard. Plus, it gets old not knowing what people are saying or trying to explain that you’re not proficient in Dutch. I’ve noticed I miss this most when it comes to talking with children at the playground. I want to engage with them and step in if needed. When a child runs up to me excited and trying to tell me something, it breaks my heart a bit not knowing what they are saying. Yes, I realize that’s on me. And I am trying to learn Dutch but it’s not easy. In a few years, I know that this will change, but in the present moment it’s a blocker for me on a daily basis.

5. Sunshine

It’s no secret that it rains all the time in the Netherlands which can be hard mentally and physically. Some days I just want to go straight out the door with our daughter without having to get all of our rain gear on. Or, I’d love to take Tucker on a walk without us both getting soaked. Consistent rain also forces you to be creative with new indoor activities in the peak of the rainy season. It’s funny, in Colorado I would wish for more cozy, rain days. Now, I have the extreme of that, wishing for more sunshine. I guess you always want what you don’t have at that moment. Although, I wouldn’t mind a little more vitamin D.

6. Warmth

I don’t mean temperature. I mean this as a feeling. A way of interacting with others. This isn’t to say that people here aren’t nice, but there’s definitely more of a direct way of communicating. At times, this is refreshing. You know what someone is thinking and can get straight to the point. Other times, it can feel cold or less empathetic. In the US, there was more warmth with strangers I’d pass on the street or people I’d encounter checking out of the grocery store. There was more friendly smiles and hello’s or how are you’s. I miss this. I miss a smile from a stranger on a day where I’m feeling low. Or a sympathetic look when my daughter and I are clearly having a hard day. I didn’t realize I had taken it for granted.

7. Familiarity

I can’t pinpoint an exact experience here except to say it’s an overall feeling. You know, driving to the grocery store and seeing street signs in English. Or going to a children’s library just like the one you went to when you grew up. There’s a sense of familiarity in everything you do when it’s the norm to you. This is something I overlooked when I didn’t know any different. Now that I live in a foreign place, everything is just that, foreign. Yes, it’s exciting and it’s good to be exposed to new things. But sometimes you just want to go to the grocery store, know what all the foods are, and grab your favorite snacks. When things aren’t familiar, it can take more energy to get a simple task done. I know with time things will become more familiar, and they already have. However, nothing compares to the familiarity you have with your own childhood. The things you grew up knowing and doing that have stuck with you ever since.

8. Dog friendly

While Haarlem has a lot of dogs and does allow them in plenty of stores and restaurants, it’s not the same as the US in other ways. There are way more cats here than dogs, which makes it difficult to find dog parks, boarding places, and more. They are still available and the ones we found have been awesome, but it’s just not as prevalent. Coming from Colorado, we are used to taking Tucker on long hikes with him off leash and able to explore. Here in the National Park by us, there’s only a few paths that are dog-friendly, most of which still require your dog to be on leash. It’s also evident walking Tucker that most people would prefer him to not get very close to them (which is totally understandable). But it’s a very big contrast to being in the United States, where everyone walking by says “aww,” smiles, or asks to pet Tucker. Now, he feels more like an inconvenience to others rather than making their day happier.

9. Consistent pediatricians and family doctors

The doctor system here is very different from the United States, for a few reasons. The one that has stood out the most to me is with pediatricians. Here, you don’t have a designated pediatrician for your child from birth like you do in the US. Instead, there’s a few different doctors and people your child will see depending on their age. Parts of the system here are excellent in making sure all children are seen and taken care of. Nevertheless, I miss having a pediatrician that’s been with you from the start. Someone who feels like family as the years go on. It’s also much easier in the US to reach out to your doctor for questions and get immediate responses to ease any worries you are having. Additionally, when it comes to picking your GP here, you’re fairly limited. Either they aren’t accepting new patients, or they are only accepting specific zip codes depending on where you live. This doesn’t give you as good of a chance to find a doctor that really suits you and your family.

10. Chipotle

Yes, I had to end on this one. Not a day goes by that I haven’t thought about it. It doesn’t help that this happened to be the one thing I craved while pregnant with Jojo. We would have it almost three times a week during the second trimester. Maybe it’s true that distance makes the heart grow fonder, but when people ask me what I’m excited for on my trips back to the US, Chipotle is almost always in my top three.

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No place is perfect. No routine is perfect. And there’s no “right” way to live. These are just some of the things I’ve noticed after living in the Netherlands for over a year. I’m no expert on the US or the Netherlands, and my experience is most definitely different from yours and the expats’ across the street. I’m sure that a year from now, my list will be different too. But that’s the beauty of life. We all see things differently and no one experience is the same. Here’s to new experiences, traditions, and more change.