If one more person tells me to “just wait until Jojo is three” I might lose it. Similarly, if they tell me how fun and special this age is I might cry. It’s easy to forget what an age is like once you’ve moved to the next level, but you need to remember that other people in those phases are just trying to survive.

For me personally, the past few weeks have been very hard. I’m at the point of thinking I won’t make it through if things get harder. So feeling this way, and then have someone basically tell me “it’s nothing yet,” is so depleting. And when they turn around and say what fun this age is, I feel so much guilt. To me, the fun moments are few and far between right now. I’m at a constant battle with Jojo over safety, things we can and can’t do, and proper behavior. The day is full of “watch out,” “safe side,” “please don’t eat that,” “coloring is for paper,” “no more food for Tucker,” “food on the table,” and more. I don’t want this kind of relationship with my daughter. For so long, we have had this mutual respect for each other that I could feel, even though she was so young.

Now, however, I feel like more times than not, we are at odds with each other. There’s constant tension and stress on both sides. On the one hand, I need to teach her about social etiquette, safety, and all of that, but on the other hand I want more special moments back. So how do I find this balance? Why am I not enjoying this age more like everyone tells me I should be? Don’t get me wrong, I still have many special moments with her. I love how curious, kind, and thoughtful she is. I love running around with her while having full conversations. And I love seeing her smile or discover something new. But the way people go on and on about how wonderful this age is makes me think I should have more.

Reflection

Every child is different. Every parent is different. Every age is different. The parent that tells you how special a certain period is, probably forgot about a lot of the hard times that came with it too. Each age is such new terrain. It’s like having blinders up to anything bad that happened in the past. You only focus on the good things that are no longer present in their current age. I don’t want that. And I also don’t want to wish away every age because it’s hard (news flash: being a parent will always be hard).

So, what then? You need to savor every special moment. Relish it. Relive it. And hold on tight to it until the next one because god knows there will be many hard moments in between. I think that’s where I’ve been going wrong. Jojo will have a major meltdown on vacation and I’ll get upset thinking “we were having such a great day.” That mindset is horrible. Why? Because it goes down the rabbit hole of negativity and thoughts that the day is ruined now. Which is so not true. If I let myself go there, then all of the special moments leading up to this harder moment washes away. It’s gone. I didn’t hold on tight enough.

When she’s having hard times now, I try to do anything to put my mind on more positive alternatives. Below are a few different themes that I’ll focus on depending on the situation.

1. Finding an overarching cause to her meltdown. This takes the focus away from the small things she’s getting so upset about (such as having a blue cup instead of a pink one). Instead, it helps me to remember she’s only two years old and lead with empathy.
   • I’ll say things to myself such as: she needs me now, she’s hungry, she’s tired, today has a been a lot for her, we are out of her normal routine
2. Bring back a special moment we just had. This reminds me of the sweet soul she is. It brings me back to the overwhelming love I have for her.
   • Think about reading books with her in the morning or her sweet voice telling me she loves me, “I luh youuu, mommy”
3. Slap myself in the face (not actually). But I will say a phrase that brings me back to reality and basically tells myself to get a grip and suck it up.
   • Don’t do something you won’t be proud of tomorrow, lead by example
     
     

Above are just a few things that have started to help me keep my cool. Like I said, these past few weeks have been explosive to what I was accustomed to. A meltdown here and there I could handle with ease and grace (most of the time), but the new territory I’m in is foreign. Along with other emotions I am carrying from other stressors in life, it pushed me over the edge. So I’m working to reground myself, brainstorm, and find a better approach to be the best mother I can be.

If you’re someone that tells other people “just wait until …” when talking about things getting harder, try to refrain. Remember that what they are going through is hard for them. And those challenges are what toughen them up to get them through the challenges you are facing now. It doesn’t mean that it’s not as hard as yours. And by saying “just wait,” you kind of diminish their hardship whether you mean to or not. Trust me, it can be tempting to tell people with newborns that they have it way better than they realize right now. But at the same time, (1) that would be a shi**y thing to do, (2) they have challenges we probably don’t even remember, (3) empathize with their individual journey. At the end of the day, we are all in this together.