Moving abroad has taught me many things about myself. In the past when things were hard or I was struggling mentally, I would make a big change. From rearranging a random part of my house to doing something drastic to my hair, I had no limits. In the moment, I’d get a sense of relief. But as time went on, the same sadness or mental blocker I was facing prior would always come back. Leading up to our move abroad, I had similar thoughts: everything will be better once we’re there. It was no surprise that after a few weeks in our new home, the root of the problems were still there. They didn’t suddenly go away or magically fix themselves just because I was living in a new place. Instead, they actually got a bit worse. It was as if a spotlight was being put on them, they could no longer be ignored. This, coupled with the fact that I’m a mother now and have a strong urge to fix myself for my daughter’s sake, caused me to really drill down and figure out what was going on.

I’ve read my fair share of books, from healthy habits to self-help and mindfulness. They’ve taught me plenty in how I view myself, the world, and routines I’ve created. However, I still felt like something was blocking me from fully changing. Something was just out of my reach to fully let go. What was blocking me? What was inhibiting me from grasping true happiness, without showing its face?

I continued reading different books and trying new routines until finally something clicked. I was at a drug store here trying to find the face wash I’ve been using in the US for years now. They didn’t have it. I asked a worker there and she told me I needed to switch immediately to something more natural. I won’t name brands, but she expressed studies into the brand I was using, and how it would be harder to find it in the Netherlands for that reason. She pointed me towards products with more natural ingredients. This wasn’t the first time this idea has come up while living here. Not just in relation to skincare, but also with food, negativity in the news, and other daily items.

My problem was closer to home than I realized. It wasn’t just one thing I needed to fix. It was all the external influences that I’d been allowing impact my life without realizing it. From unhealthy foods and skincare products to music I was listening to and social media scrolling. This may seem obvious to some people, but for me things finally came full circle.

Obviously, I already knew food impacts you in many ways. But I’d never put all of these different factors together in my surroundings to realize how much of an effect they can truly have on your mental well-being. Especially things as simple as music. I went home that day and immediately started my little life cleanse. I deleted music on my phone that served no good purpose. I’ve always loved a good rap song or club music, and sometimes they can still be fun when you’re out with your friends or in the midst of a hard workout. However, I realized that listening on a daily basis about a guy with two girls at the club he’s cheating on probably isn’t the best idea. Same with being a “bad b*tch who doesn’t need no man.” Writing it out this way is especially a huge WTF were you doing moment.

In replace of these songs, I added more classical music and piano which I’ve always loved. I also added more songs from when my parents were growing up that have intriguing lyrics, fantastic guitar solos, and music that you feel in your soul. I added songs about love and motherhood. Songs that sparked emotion and gratitude for my life. Immediately, I started to feel a difference.

I didn’t stop there. I also did a purge on social media, deleting specific accounts and being mindful about what was showing up in my feed. Did I feel inspired or jealous? Did it bring back happy memories or regret? Did I feel excited about my life or disappointed? If it was ever the latter, I removed it. I looked for accounts that inspired me to be a better person in different aspects of my life: motherhood, fitness, cooking, and more. When it came to the news, I removed it all together. I am someone that gets very affected by things I read and I knew it wasn’t the right time in my life to have all of that running through my mind (usually in the middle of the night, preventing me from sleeping).

I also did this self cleanse with food, clutter in my house, people in my life, and anything else I saw as an external influence. I’d been working so hard to change my internal well being: thoughts, meditation, mindfulness, that I had overlooked other factors preventing me from moving forward.

It’s been months since I’ve made these changes and I have noticed such a big difference in my life. It’s been incredible. Don’t allow people or things into your life that serve no positive purpose. If you feel like you’re taking all the right steps for a better mental health and noticing no change, think about what you come into contact with daily. Write a log for a week about what you’ve eaten, listened too, who you’ve talked to, where you’ve gone, and what you’ve read. Can any of those things be linked to a poor mood you were in? Or maybe you notice you feel most sad in the evening. Is there anything in your routine that could be making those feelings worse? Alternatively, is there a healthy habit you can add to combat those feelings at that time like calling a loved one, reading a positive book, putting on your favorite song, or taking a nice shower? Feelings can’t always be “fixed” and it’s important to start within yourself first. But our surroundings have way more of an impact than we realize. It wasn’t until I moved to a completely new country that I realized your surroundings doesn’t just mean where you live. It also has to do with any influence you encounter each and every day: food, music, people, news, social media, and more.

Small changes lead to big results. For me, making these changes has made me a happier, more aware individual. There are countless choices you have to make each day. Realizing how much of an impact these choices have on your overall well-being forces you to be more mindful. Replace negative influences with things that make you happy. Things that boost your mood instead of draining it. It may not come natural at first, but overtime you’ll notice healthy habits forming without even needing to think twice.