Recently, I read Hunt, Gather, Parent. What ancient cultures can teach us about raising children by Michaeleen Doucleff. In it, Michaeleen is researching different parenting styles. She visits a small village in Mexico where she’s introduced to acomedido. Acomedido is the idea that every person in the family has their own “membership.” Everyone is a part of the same unit and therefore contributes the same. From folding laundry and taking care of the baby to cleaning the house or gardening, everyone is expected to help out.

She emphasizes the importance of starting young when toddlers still have an innate urge to help. If we ignore those urges, they will learn that everyone has set roles: they play, we take care of everything else. I read this and realized I had been doing that. Each morning after breakfast, I rinse Jojo’s hands and have her go play while I do the dishes. If she starts crying or getting upset, I say that mommy needs five more minutes to finish up before I can play. Looking back on it, I realized I was missing the perfect opportunity to invite her to clean the dishes with me and be a family unit together. It helps instill the following mentality: the dishes are dirty, they need to be cleaned, we should clean them now. Something that has been lost in many western cultures through methods such as chore charts and reward systems. 

Therefore, after reading this section, I tried it out the next day. After breakfast, Jojo and I washed the dishes together. She worked on a single plate and washed her own way while I washed the rest. We did the same thing after lunch. Then, something miraculous happened. During her nap, I had baked a few things which left a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. Before I could clean them, Jojo woke up and I had to get her. We then immediately left the house to take our dog on a walk before the rain started.

As we were coming in the front door, she ran in front of me and around the corner. Oh great, where is she going now, I initially thought. But when I turned the corner, she was climbing up her tower positioned at the sink and pointing to the dirty dishes. She looked back at me and started reaching for her sponge. When I say it gave me goosebumps, I’m not lying. It was one of the most incredible “aha” moments of parenting that I’ve had so far. In fact, it’s been a few days now of this and she constantly climbs up her tower ready to help with dishes, cooking, or whatever else it may be instead of always wanting me to hold her. I can tell she now feels like she has a role to help in the family as opposed to watching. It is magical to say the least. 

Reflection
Letting Jojo contribute more in these ways has changed our relationship completely. I’ve noticed a switch in her mood and temperament. She’s happy to help and less emotional when things don’t go exactly how she wants. I notice her looking around the house for anything that needs to be done such as cleaning the floors or picking up fuzz from our dog’s toy. It’s made me see her in a completely different light. She just wants to help. While I’m thankful to have discovered this about her at such a young age, I still wish I had known sooner and worked to incorporate it into our life right away. 

Seeing your child’s drive to help and be apart of your world is so special. Just because they can’t do it as well as you or how you think it should be done doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be allowed to try. They’ll never learn without this. Don’t get me wrong, some days I really just want to cook or do the dishes myself. It’s hard to be at the end of the day and then have cooking take twice as long because you’re cleaning up their messes as you go. Jojo went through a phase where she liked to throw everything she touched on the floor while we were cooking: carrot skins, potatoes, cut broccoli, spices, and seasonings. It tested my patience a lot but suddenly one day she stopped and we got past it. I know there will be more road bumps along the way, but I notice a twinkle in her eye when she realizes she’s cooking dinner with mommy. Nothing else beats that feeling.